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I had never really heard of anyone liking both girls and boys

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By Ciara Mag Mhuirneacháin

 

It wasn’t until the age of about 13 or so that I kind of got the idea that I might be bisexual.

 

I’d always found both boys and girls attractive, but I’d always thought when it came to girls it was more of just an appreciation than actual attraction. That changed one day after I read an article in a magazine, which talked about “women crushes”. Basically it talked about how common it is for girls to find other girls and women beautiful, and talented, and wonderful and all that jazz.

 

As I was reading this I was sitting there thinking, “Oh ok, so this is something all girls feel”. And then I got to the end of the article where it said “Having a ‘woman crush’ is about appreciating another woman, it doesn’t mean you want to kiss or pursue a relationship with them.” Oh. Yeah, no, I definitely wanted to kiss girls.

 

I spent the next couple of years pretty much just ignoring my attraction towards any girl, and focused on the boys I liked. I had never really heard of anyone liking both girls and boys, so I just put it to the back of my mind. It wasn’t until I turned 15 and a close friend came out to me as bisexual that I realised that was what I identified as too.

 

I eventually came out to that friend, and we would talk about it occasionally, but it wasn’t until I came to UL that I really got the chance to explore my sexuality. My (fab) orientation guide told my group all about Out in UL and by the end of the day I’d decided that if there was one society I was going to join it was this one.

 

Over the course of the next few months I started to come out to my college people, but the thought of coming out to anyone from home was terrifying. Fast-forward to April and Out in UL’s event of the year Queerbash (it’s the best thing ever, go to it) and I kissed a girl (and liked it). The following day I was filled with so much bravado that I decided I was going to call my Mum and come out to her. I rang her up, and her first question was “Did you shift any lads?” to which I answered “Um no, a girl. I think I’m bisexual”. After a few minutes of silence, she eventually told me that my brother and Dad were in the same room as her, so she’d talk to me later. I then spent the next half an hour freaking out until I received a text from my Mum saying “I still love you so much, and I’m so proud of you for exploring the world”. Literally the best reaction ever.

 

Over the next few weeks I came out to my four best friends back in Mayo, who all had the same reaction of “Oh that’s cool” and to hug me and continue on with our conversation as normal. If there’s one thing I want people to take from my story, it’s that coming out doesn’t always have to be a big event, it can literally just be throwing it out there and that’s that. I still have a lot of people to come out to, including all of my family, besides my Mum, but I know that will come in time, and I know that when I do, I have plenty of people who’ll help me along the way.

 

*The name of the author has been changed for confidentiality reasons

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