It\u2019s week three already. The masks are off, the fourth years are beginning to sweat over the FYPs, and the move away from online lectures has begun to cause a steady decline in attendance. Nature is healing. Adam\u2019s back on hand too to help solve some of your week three trials and tribulations.<\/p>\n
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He\u2019s not copper, I\u2019ll have you know. He\u2019s cast-iron. Brown Thomas, or \u201cTogether and Apart\u201d to give him his official title, was originally sculpted by artist Antony Gormley and installed in the UL Plaza in 2001 for a cost estimated somewhere between \u20ac35k and \u20ac70k. He was commissioned by Dr Roger Downer, a former president of the university.<\/p>\n
But I digress. What you\u2019re having here is a completely normal anxiety dream.<\/p>\n
Brown Thomas, a symbol of the institution of UL, is chasing you through and away from beacons of academic fulfilment (the lecture halls of the Foundation and Main buildings, the library) and into a place you feel more comfortable and safe \u2013 The Stables!<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a dream we\u2019ve all had, tied up in feelings of inadequacy or imposter syndrome that likely come from a worry about your grades or classes and whether or not you fit in at university.<\/p>\n
Luckily I \u2013 and hundreds of UL students before me \u2013 have the tried-and-tested solution.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to need to stand up and face your fears. In this case, the questionably-named Brown Thomas himself.<\/p>\n
The UL tradition for this particular anxiety dream is to march right up to Brown Thomas, walk around him in a circle three times, and repeat the phrase \u201cYou will not best me, Thomas. I am the master here.\u201d After you\u2019ve completed this, kick him square in his flat, cast-iron d**k.<\/p>\n
This is a surprisingly common dream for students at UL, and so this solution has passed down through generations feeling the exact same as you. Next time you see someone walking around campus on crutches, you\u2019ll know you\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t worry, I got you. There are some techniques Neil Strauss and his cohort won\u2019t teach you in the guidebooks. You\u2019re going to need a very large box and the brightest lamp you can find.<\/p>\n
The best way, in my experience, to find a woman is to get up nice and early and find a big field in the countryside. Little known fact, women congregate in fields across Ireland every morning. They just hang out there. Especially throughout their breeding season in the spring.<\/p>\n
Once you\u2019ve found the right field (perhaps there are tell-tale droppings about the place or a freshly-dug hole in the earth), it\u2019s all about playing the waiting game. Stay low, keep your ears peeled. You want to listen out for them.<\/p>\n
Once you think you hear the pitter patter of furry little women feet, you\u2019re going to need to bound up with your lamp on full to dazzle them. Take out the box and\u2026<\/p>\n
Sorry. Excuse me. That\u2019s hares.<\/p>\n
If you want to meet a \u201cgood woman\u201d, I suggest perhaps concentrating less on putting them down and ignoring their messages and focus more on the fact that they\u2019re human beings with intelligent opinions and valid feelings that don\u2019t much care for mind games \u2013 and definitely not small rabbit-like mammals sensitive to bright lights.<\/p>\n
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It sounds like you\u2019ve got the makings of a classic Lecture Hall Bingo on your hands. Please do not waste this golden opportunity to enhance the college experience for yourself and the other students in your class.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re going to need a pen, a ruler, paper, and a metric hape of cans.<\/p>\n
Using the pen and ruler, draw out a 5×5 grid on a couple of sheets of paper. Once done, fill the grid with some of your lecturer\u2019s references. Pepper it with common ones but throw in some of the lesser-used references too, so the game isn\u2019t too easy!<\/p>\n
Once your bingo cards are done (you may want to consider laminating them for multiple uses!), get to class and have some fun with it. Enjoy!<\/p>\n
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Have you got a problem you\u2019d like Adam\u2019s help with? Drop him a message on @a_leahy<\/a> on Twitter!<\/p>\n