Joe Solves Your Woes: The Third Edition

By Joe Costigan May 17, 2023 #Agony Aunt #comedy

What should I do if I think I’m being used for sex?

Before I go on with any advice, I just want to make it clear that if you think you’re being used for sex then you absolutely are. No question about it. You need to accept that before you take action.

Now, you have two choices here and it all depends on whether the sex is worth it or not. If it’s not, ghost them and offer no explanation. If it is, then you get to have some fun. Get petty with it. Embrace gaslighting. Send them links to articles about how to get better at sex, ask them if they’d mind showering first before you meet up again, call them the wrong name (especially if it’s the name of someone they’re already jealous of). If you want to take the last step a bit further, text them to say that they left their underwear at yours. When they tell you that they didn’t, say “oh sorry it must be [name of person their jealous of].”

Got my hair done this week and I was absolutely weak for it, but one of the girls in work told me it was disgusting. Any words of advice to help me get over this knock to my confidence?

I’m so sorry this happened to you, I can’t possibly imagine what it must feel like for someone to tell you that you look disgusting – not because it’s unimaginably cruel, just because no one in their right mind would ever say that to me. Have you seen me? Even though I can’t relate to the specific insult, I do know something about getting revenge.

No need for anything too complicated, one simple move should do the trick here. Get yourself a nice electric razor (all the better if it’s already been used for some bush maintenance) and sneak up behind her when she’s on her lunch break and shave as much of her hair off as you can. It’s simple, effective and sticks with the theme of her original insult. Feel free to send on pictures of the results!

My housemates are loud late night gamerbois but I’m a sleepyboi. Help?

You need to shock them into being quiet. Confront them with things they’ve never faced before. Some things that I can’t imagine ‘loud late night gamerbois’ have seen before: a real life naked woman, the real backstory of Elon Musk’s wealth, antiperspirant or a QCA that’s above 2.0. Any of those should knock the wind out of them for long enough to give you a chance to fall asleep.

Joe will be back bi-weekly to answer more of your burning questions, so get them in through the link in our Instagram bio! 



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