By Seamus Toomey
The Metalhead: The metalhead listens to heavy aggressive music, with often times fast technical sections and always screaming.
Clothes: All black. May include spikes and/or chains.
Music: Slipknot, Meshuggah, Dillinger Escape Plan.
Says: “Death to all but METAL! RRAAAWWWRRR!”
The Hipster: Listens to unknown weird sounding anything. Their iPod will include as many songs that sound like flatulence as songs that actually contain flatulence.
Clothes: Something you’d expect your grandfather or a hobo to wear but colour coordinated and skinnier.
Music: Anything that’s obscure or ironic, perhaps Mr. Bungle or Coolio.
Says: “Mr. Bungle are this totally awesome avant garde band who incorporate carnival music into much of their work. You’ve probably never heard of them but they’re totally gnarly, you know their vocalist was Mike Patton that guy from Faith No More.”
DJ: Totally makes remixes that are sick and once played at his younger cousin’s 18th but everyone loved it. May also know how to work the volume button on most music equipment.
Clothes: One of those snapback hats they wear in American music videos. (FYI: we do not live in an American music video)
Music: House, Remixes, Born Slippy by Underworld aka the song from Trainspotting.
Says: “Man, I’m a professional musician, my cousin gave me a fiver and a can for my gig at his party, it was massive. I’m the next big thing in Irish Underground Garage Hip-hop Electronica.”
Art Student: Thinks they’re cool and creative but they’re actually super normal. Like so normal it’s kind of weird, but mostly boring.
Clothes: Super generic, lots of cheap brands.
Music: Super generic, whatever’s on the radio, especially if it lacks creativity.
Says: “I love this song, this is my favourite song ever” (always said each month about a different song)
International Student: They are foreign but insist on listening to their Scandinavian folk sitar tracks at every pre drinks session.
Clothes: Usually has a flag on it.
Music: Depends on their country of origin, could be Os Mutantes, Die Toten Hosen or Volbeat.
Says: “Ich liebe Peter Fox, er ist ein Gott. Irisches Musik ist schlecht und langweilig.”
Indie Cindie/Rad Chad: Thinks they listen to cool music. Actually listens to the Strokes and Mumford and sons.
Clothes: Flannel, lots of flannel. A Ramones t-shirt underneath.
Music: Arctic Monkeys, Oasis, the Smiths.
Says: “Oasis are the greatest rock band ever, Noel Gallagher is a genius.” (Actually on second thought that’s probably just what Noel Gallagher says himself)
Goth: Very like the metal head but with make up and worse music taste.
Clothes: Completely black, always.
Music: Cradle of Filth, HIM, Nightwish and oddly enough, Taylor Swift.
Says: “I am misery” *ghostly wails while running towards a cemetery*
Stoners: A group of individuals who take part in the herb and it’s rituals including hymns by Bob Dylan such as Rainy Day Women #12 and 35.
Clothes: Whatever man, baggy, comfortable and dirty.
Music: Bob Marley, Kyuss or Bob Marley. Wait didn’t I already say Bob Marley man. Haha Mob Barley.
Says: “Pass me that bowl…..of cereal while I roast this joint…..of ham.”
Hippies: Similar to stoners but filled with more love.
Clothes: Knitted from hemp and other non commercial materials.
Music: Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Jimi Hendrix, really anything that is from the 60’s or sounds like it’s from the 60’s.
Says: “Man, let’s save the planet, like right now. Did you know I recycle? And I’m vegan?”