Are you astrologically aware or do you think fortune telling is a load of rubbish? Either way, our new mystic member, Adam Leahy, has kindly loaned us his sooth-saying powers for the rest of the semester. What’s in store for you this week?
Capricorn ♑︎ | December 22 – January 19
Feisty Capricorn, the stars wish you well during SHAG Week. But remember, this is a week about awareness, not practice.
Aquarius ♒︎ | January 20 – February 18
Eager Aquarius, liking Squid Game is not a personality. Take a walk by the lovely Shannon river on campus and really have a good think for yourself.
Pisces ♓︎ | February 19 – March 20
Your name is David. You live in Cappavilla. You study business. You will lose your ID card this week and there’s nothing you can do about it. Your lucky numbers are 4, 20, and 69. Nice.
Aries ♈︎ | March 21 – April 19
Independent Aries, asking a friend for help is a sign of strength, not of weakness. Asking a friend for help stealing a car is a criminal offence.
Taurus ♉︎ | April 20 – May 20
Avoid large bodies of water this week. That is all.
Gemini ♊︎ | May 21 – June 20
Gemini, the stars indicate that you will feel unwell on Friday morning. I am sensing that this will have less to do with the Chicken Hut gravy and more to do with the bootleg hooch you’ll get from that guy in Kilmurry.
Cancer ♋︎ | June 21 – July 21
You will meet an attractive stranger at a party in Troy Village later this week. She will steal your heart… and your wallet. My condolences.
Leo ♌︎ | July 23 – August 22
Hibernating Leo, it’s been a long and restful lockdown. Maybe it’s time to consider turning Walktober into Runtober.
Virgo ♍︎ | August 23 – September 22
Your housemate will annoy you this week with his unwashed dishes as he sits watching The Cube instead of going to class. Again. Try to remain calm and remember, snitches get stitches.
Libra ♎︎ | September 23 – October 23
Indecisive Libra, you will be presented with two options this week. Bear in mind, whichever one you pick may shape the outcome of the rest of your life. No pressure. Your lucky colour this week is black – like your future if you make the wrong decision.
Scorpio ♏︎ | October 24 – November 21
Scorpio, an Aries friend will ask you for help this week. Think long and hard about your life plans for the next five to ten years.
Sagittarius ♐︎ | November 22 – December 21
Unlucky Sagittarius, this week you will accidentally like your ex-boyfriend’s new partner’s Insta post. It will be weird, despite him saying it isn’t. Take this as an opportunity for personal growth.